And I looked and behold: a pale horse

Yesterday I popped to my local Sainsbury's for a few bits and pieces. [adopts Peter Kay voice] It weren't a Big Shop, you know just Bits and Pieces, Bits and Pieces [returns to normal voice]. With the expansion of supermarkets these days bits and pieces can mean anything. Sainsbury's now as well as the usual range milk, bread, veg and tins also stocks blu-ray players, Nintendo games, enough kitchen equipment to get Nigella wet, bedding, furniture a range of light weapons and industrial plant machinery.

"Yeah, you know what it's like. I just popped in for some milk and bread. I came away with a case of AK-47s, a JCB digger and a surface to air missile."

Well with it being Halloween here in the UK (and other places I imagine) the staff had been encouraged to dress up a bit. Saucy witches, pumpkin people and the like. Very entertaining. However, the chap who's job it is to help people using the self-service checkouts, was a skinny bloke of well over six foot tall and for his character du jour had decided to dress as Death. Fully clad in black robes and with a disturbing mask that concealed his face he gave me a start.

Now it occurred to me that those usually most in need of help at the self-service check out are the elderly. Well if he made me do a double-take what must he have done for the poor old folks trying to get the hang of scanning their own bananas when he suddenly appears behind them?

- DO YOU NEED A HAND PACKING YOUR BAGS TODAY?

- HAVE YOU GOT A NECK-TA CARD?

I fully expect to see the headlines in the local paper to be, mass cardiac arrest in self service section of local Sainsbury's.